VALLEY FEVER-NOT A DISCO DANCE

Norman here, just another trip to the doggie doctor and it wasn't a good one. The doggie doc had to give me a sedative and of course she had to twist me into all these unnatural positions that dogs were never intended to be in to get the x-rays she needed. It seems that I have some weird-ass fungal infection called Valley Fever in my left front leg, not arthritis as was previously diagnosed. I heard the doggie doc telling Mom to keep me from digging in the yard because the spores that cause the weird-ass fungal infection live in the dirt. So now I have to take some weird-ass pills for the weird-ass infection and I can't even dig holes in the yard. This really stinks. But on the bright side, I've been getting lots of attention, not to mention lots and lots of biscuits. And Mom didn't even yell at me for dragging that rabbit into the kitchen.

SUPREME COURT OVERTURNS DEATH PENALTY FOR CHILD RAPISTS

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!! Have you pups been following the Supreme Court decision that states the execution of a child rapist is cruel and unusual punishment? What the hell is that about?


KEIKO
Holy puppy poop, Scuba! Don't they know that raping a child is cruel and unusual?






NORMAN
And they call us animals. At least we protect our own.







TOBY
Time to take the law into our own paws. Judge, jury and executioner baby! GRRRR!!!

ANIMAL CRUELTY IN TUCSON

SCUBA-
Freakin unbelievable!!!! Did you pups read about that idiot in Tucson who was busted for dragging and beating his little puppy who didn’t want to walk on a hot sidewalk? What in the heck is wrong with him?

KEIKO-
Oh, that just makes me so angry. http://www.kold.com/ news said the pads on the little pup’s feet were burned badly. I’d like to make that guy stand on 130 degree concrete in his bare feet. He'd be whining in no time.

NORMAN-
Thankfully the little guy is gonna be o.k. But I can’t believe someone could be so cruel to do that to a little puppy that couldn’t even defend itself yet.


TOBY-
I double-dog-dare him to try that with me! I’d take care of his punk-ass and we’ll see just how much of a tough guy he really is. GRRRR!!!!

FRIENDS

TOLERANCE MAKES GOOD FRIENDS.

WATER SAFETY

TOBY AND KEIKO DOING THEIR BEST TO SET A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR SAFETY ON THE WATER. DON'T FORGET THE LIFE JACKETS.

OUTDOOR DOGS

TOBY HERE, REMINDING ALL HUMANS TO TAKE SPECIAL CARE OF YOUR OUTDOOR DOGS DURING THE SUMMER MONTHS. MAKE SURE THAT FIDO HAS SHADE AND SHELTER AND OF COURSE PLENTY OF FRESH WATER TO DRINK ALONG WITH DOGGIE BISCUITS, LOTS AND LOTS OF DOGGIE BISCUITS.

SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER MOVIES

ANOTHER CANINE CLASSIC, THE PASSION OF THE POOCH, EXCEEDED ALL EXPECTATIONS AND BECAME THE HIGHEST GROSSING CANINE FILM OF ALL TIME PULLING IN OVER 200,000,000 BISCUITS.

CANINE SUPERHEROES

FIGHTING FOR TRUTH, JUSTICE AND DOGGIE BISCUITS.

IT'S TAKE YOUR DOG TO WORK DAY.

ROVER MEETS THE BOSS.

CANINE HEALTH AND WELFARE

EVERY DAY THE DEPARTMENT OF CANINE HEALTH AND WELFARE ROAMED THE STREETS LOOKING FOR STRAYS.

COMING SOON: THE GREATEST AMERICAN DOG

IS BUDWEISER DESERTING AMERICA??

SCUBA

Freakin unbelievable!!! What the heck is going on in this U. S. OF A? Budweiser selling out? I don't believe it. I just don't believe it.

NORMAN

Holy puppy poop! They can't do that. The Great American Lager is a Great American Icon and it needs to stay that way.

KEIKO

Mom is just so upset over this. First her job goes overseas, then it's her beer. What else is gonna go wrong?

TOBY

Now I know I'm just a pooch but that just ain't right, what are those biscuit-heads thinking? This country is going to the dogs. Wait, that's a good thing.

DALE JR. WINS AT MICHIGAN

CONGRATULATIONS TO DALE JR. ON WINNING THE MICHIGAN LIFELOCK 400 WITH A LATE CAUTION PRESERVING HIS VICTORY. THIS WAS JUNIOR'S FIRST WIN IN OVER TWO YEARS AND HIS FIRST WITH HENDRICK MOTOR SPORTS. WAY TO GO JUNIOR!!!!

SPACE CADET

AFTER MANY YEARS OF TRAINING, SPACE CADET KEIKO FULFILLS HER LIFELONG DREAM OF CHASING TENNIS BALLS IN SPACE.

GREEN EYED NORMAN

Norman, here. Went to the Doggie Doc today and between you and me it wasn't a pretty sight. But I managed to pull myself together and be a big dog about it. I just wish someone would have told me the x-rays would make my eyes glow!

GERRET SWIRLED

SCUBA
Finally, a decent doggie blog! I’ve been reading Gerret Swirled and it’s pretty good, though I think that young pup has a bit of an attitude. Thinks he's Errol Flynn.

NORMAN
Attitude, sounds a little like Toby.

TOBY
Hey!!! You got a problem with me?

KEIKO
O.K. Sounds exactly like Toby.

TOBY
GRRRR!!!! Who's Errol Flynn anyway?

SCUBA
He was a swashbuckler actor in the 1930's.

TOBY
1930's? That was last century. Holy puppy poop, Scuba! You're really old.

SCUBA
GRRRR!!!!

CLASSIC CANINE FILMS

TOP DOG WAS AN INSTANT CLASSIC AND THE BIGGEST HIT OF 1986 GROSSING OVER 180,000,000 BISCUITS

MERCY KILLING? THIS PACK OF DOGS AIN'T BUYING IT!!!

SCUBA

Here's that heartless bastard's explanation for why he killed that poor little puppy. I've read it and I don't buy his mercy killing defense at all. I'm sure that there are animals over there that are suffering and need to be put out of their misery, but tossing the pup off of a cliff and then joking about, that's not compassionate behavior, that's psychotic behavior. Serial killers start out that way. I've tried to contact him on his blog but I was denied access. I guess the big man is hiding out.

KEIKO

Oh, he's a tough guy, eh? What's the matter? He can go after little dogs but he can't handle the criticism?

NORMAN

Makes me want to chew him up and spit him out.

TOBY

Let me at him. GRRRRR!!!!

DAVID MOTARI-THE PUPPY KILLER

FAMOUS DOGS IN WORLD WAR TWO

Norman von Richthofen,also known as The Red Dog Baron.

His daring and skill legendary, The Red Dog Baron was the top ace for the Canine Forces in World War Two, officially being credited for 80 victories over the much feared Fascist Felines.

FAMOUS DOG OUTLAWS

The infamous Toby the Pup. His reign of terror on the western plains lasted for nearly a decade and ended abruptly after he was shot down by Sheriff Cat Garrett, who had once befriended the young outlaw.

DOGGIE BLOGS

SCUBA
FREAKIN UNBELIEVABLE!!! Is it my imagination or do most blogs belong to humans with deep emotional problems? I’ve been looking for doggie blogs and all I get is crazy people!

NORMAN
Yeah, I read some of them. Holy puppy poop! It seems that humans just love to talk about their problems. Wore me out, I had to go take a nap.

TOBY
Just like I’ve been telling you, humans are flippin nuts. Dominant species, my ass.

KEIKO
I’m glad MOM isn’t like that. Of course her biggest problem is finding dead rabbits near the doggie door. Did you pups hear her scream this morning? It was hilarious!!!

SAYING GOODBYE TO A GOOD MAN

SCUBA
Wow pups, that was a tearjerker, Officer Erik Hite’s funeral. I tell you, when they played Amazing Grace on the pipes, I nearly lost it.

KEIKO
I know what you mean; I broke down when the bugler sounded Taps.

NORMAN
Yeah, did you see the Riderless Horse? That brought me to tears.

TOBY
What about when the pipes played Danny Boy? I couldn’t hold back, I had to cry.

On June 10, 2008, United States Air Force Veteran and Tucson Police Officer Erik Hite was laid to rest in Tucson, Arizona. Over 3000 of his family, friends, fellow Airmen and Police Officers attended the service with his final motorcade stretching over three miles. Many Tucsonans lined the streets as the procession past braving the 100 plus degree temperature to bid farewell to a fallen hero who gave his life in the line of duty.

THE LATEST SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE, SNAKES IN A MATTRESS

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!! Did you pups read about the mom who heard her baby crying and found a small constrictor in the crib wrapped around her little girl’s legs?

TOBY
Holy puppy poop!!! How did a snake get into the crib? Where do these people live, the Amazon River Basin?

KEIKO
I think it was in somewhere in New York, which figures. They think the snake came in a mattress they had just purchased. Where in the heck do they shop?

NORMAN
How does a snake get into a mattress? Just an added bonus I guess, buy a mattress and get a snake, no hidden costs. Freaks me out thinking about it.

KEIKO
Norman, you get freaked out by your own shadow.

NORMAN
I have a big shadow.

TOBY
Too bad they don’t do that with rabbits? Buy a doggie bed and get a free rabbit, now that would be totally pawsome.

SCUBA
Maybe they'll make movie out of it, 'SNAKES IN A MATTRESS'.

KEIKO
Yeah right, like 'SNAKES ON A PLANE' WASN'T BAD ENOUGH.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ARIZONA WHEN....

The best parking is determined by shade...Not distance

Actor Rupert Everett brands British soldiers 'pathetic, whining wimps'

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!! Do you pups believe this jerk? I don’t see his pathetic ass wearing the uniform.

TOBY
Holy puppy poop!!! I bet he’s never been shot at, though that might change now.

NORMAN
I don’t care what country you serve if you’re a soldier in Afghanistan and Iraq it takes some guts.

KEIKO
Maybe they just need to ship him off, send him to Iraq and see how long he lasts.

SCUBA
He also took a few cheap shots at Americans, saying that we’re whiny victims whose entire language was taken from watching ‘Friends and Sex and the City.’

TOBY
Hey, didn’t he star in ‘My Best Friend’s Wedding? Like that’s not wimpy? Obviously he doesn’t see the irony, does he?

LATEST SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER, CRAWFORD

SCUBA
Well, the movie "Crawford" has hit the big screens, so to speak. I guess it documents how President Bush living near the town has changed Crawford Texas.

KEIKO
Oh boy, I bet it’s packin em in, huh? Can’t wait til it comes out on DVD. Maybe I’ll buy it for MOM as a birthday present.

NORMAN
Right, that’s a movie she’s always wanted.

TOBY
Yeah, it ranks up there with Bill Clinton’s production of "1001 ways to screen a White House Intern" doesn’t it?

SCUBA
You did say, ‘screen,’ didn’t you, Toby?

KESELOWSKI WINS THE GUITAR

CONGRATS TO BRAD KESELOWSI ON WINNING HIS FIRST EVER NASCAR RACE IN THE NATIONWIDE SERIES. THE K-MAN TOOK THE LEAD IN HIS NAVY CHEVY WITH 5 LAPS TO GO AND NEVER LOOKED BACK WINNING THE FEDERATED AUTO PARTS 300 IN NASHVILLE TENNESSEE. WAY TO GO BRAD!!!!

COUSINS OSCAR AND DITZY

CRAZY CAT OSCAR

SWEET DITZY

TRIPLE CROWN, BIG BROWN

BEST OF LUCK TO BIG BROWN IN HIS QUEST TO BECOME THE FIRST TRIPLE CROWN WINNER IN THIRTY YEARS. GO GET EM, BIG GUY!!!!

REMEMBERING D-DAY

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ARIZONA WHEN.....

You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

MEL GIBSON'S CRAZY POP

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!!! Mel Gibson’s daddy is at it again! In addition to his extremely dull website, www.huttongibson.com, Hutton Gibson now can be read on MySpace. For those of you who suffer from insomnia, there is hope. Just log on and read the ramblings of a nut job and go right to sleep. Perfect solution for your sleeping ills.

TOBY
Agree with you there, Scuba. He’s not just crazy, he’s scaaarrry crazy!!!

NORMAN
Well, I tried to read it; I just didn’t understand what the hell he was talking about. Made no sense whatsoever but I had to take a nap afterwards.

KEIKO
What’s wrong with him anyway? Why does he have to be so hateful? Especially where the Jews are concerned, what did they ever do to him?

SCUBA
The thing with people like Hutton Gibson is they like to hate. That’s all they do. And the really scary part is that with the Internet, he can reach more people and spread his racist views. His MySpace page has already a list of supporters.

TOBY
Well, I’ve looked over his website and I gotta tell you, I just don’t get it. Now, I know I’m just a dog, but even MOM said she thought it was just the gibberish babble of a lunatic.

NORMAN
I guess the First Amendment applies to everybody, even crazy people.

KEIKO
Come on pups, just forget about it and let’s eat.

NO GOOD SAMARITANS IN CONNECTICUT

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!! Have you pups read the news out of Hartford, Connecticut about that poor man who was hit by a car and no one stop to help him? That’s just not right. I mean really, how can those humans even sleep at night. Pathetic, being indifferent like that. What if the boot was on the other paw? I’m sure some of those who just passed by would want help.

NORMAN
It’s so sad what humans do to each other. I just don’t understand them at all.

TOBY
And humans consider themselves to be the dominant species on the planet. Jeeezz!!!

KEIKO
Makes no sense at all, what humans do. I’m glad I’m a dog.

SPIDERMAN CLIMBS NEW YORK BUILDING

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!! Did you pups read about the fool that was busted for climbing some high rise building in New York? He said he did it to raise awareness for global warming. That’s just crazy!

KEIKO
Holy puppy poop!! How is an idiot falling off a building gonna help prevent global warming? What was he thinking?

TOBY
Obviously he wasn’t thinking, but then again, he’s only human and we all know that humans do stupid things. They just can’t help it.

NORMAN
Freaks me out just to look at the picture.

TOBY
Norman, you get freaked out riding in the car.

NORMAN
That’s cause riding in the car usually means going to the Doggie Doc.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ARIZONA WHEN......

You feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs

RED WINGS TAKE GAME 6 TO WIN STANLEY CUP

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE DETROIT RED WINGS FOR WINNING THE STANLEY CUP

DEATH OF A HERO

OUR DEEPEST SYMPATHY TO THE FAMILY OF RETIRED AIR FORCE VETERAN AND TUCSON POLICE OFFICER ERIK HITE WHO DIED MONDAY, JUNE 2,2008. OFFICER HITE WAS AMBUSHED AND SHOT IN THE LINE DUTY ON SUNDAY, JUNE 1, 2008. OUR THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO HIS FAMILY.

McCain slams Obama

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!!! I see McCain is starting in on Obama already, slamming him for voting against funds for the troops, Can’t they give us a few days off before they start into each other?

TOBY
Heck no, I think my boy needs to pounce on Obama. Get him, Johnny, GRRRRR!!!! Besides, do you really think Obama can stick to his promise of bringing the troops home early? You know as well as I do, Scuba, he can't do that. Regardless of the incompetent decision to send them over to Iraq, pulling them out now could be disastrous. What about all those people? I mean, they're refugees in their own country. How sad is that?

NORMAN
Oh, puppy poop!! You're right. And why is Obama against tax cuts? Shouldn't he want to give tax relief to Americans? It makes no sense.

KEIKO
You're waiting for politics to make sense? Norman, you know better than that.
And besides, talking politics before breakfast, what's wrong with you pups. I’m gonna eat.

CONGRATS TO SENATOR OBAMA

A TOAST TO BARACK OBAMA FOR CLINCHING THE DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION!!!!!

TENNESSEE DOG

DONUTS AND ARABS

Dunkin' Donuts Pulls Rachael Ray Ad Over 'Terror' Symbolism

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!!! Have you seen this article? How pathetic can humans get? I've seen the photo and she doesn't look like an Arab and what if she did? I mean aren't Arabs allowed to eat donuts?

NORMAN
Really, I didn't know Arabs were into donuts and ice coffee. Imagine that. See we do have something in common.

TOBY
Norman, you're such a dork. Anyway, I can't believe Dunkin Donuts caved to those idiots. How ignorant can humans get?

KEIKO
Donuts sound good. Maybe Mom will bring some home.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ARIZONA WHEN......

You notice your car is overheating before you drive it.

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable, it’s getting hot already. And that @#% Border Patrol helicopter is annoying. Shook the windows of the house this morning and woke me from a perfectly good dream (I was chasing rabbits). Still it’s a sign of things to come. Pretty soon we’ll be seeing the illegal immigrants walking through the property. I don’t know why they wait until summer to do it. Don’t they know that this desert can kill you? It’s really sad.

TOBY
I can relate to them. I used to be all alone until MOM found me. I know what it’s like to be scared and lost. I feel sorry for them, they’re like strays.

KEIKO
Look at this, tough pup Toby has feelings? I don’t believe it.

TOBY
GRRRRR!!! I only have two feelings, one for MOM and one for immigrants, so you’d best watch it, Keiko.

NORMAN
Calm down Toby, you know she’s just razing you. Still, it is really sad. Say, isn’t there a church in town that puts out water for them? I think that’s a great idea.

KEIKO
Me too, I’ve seen MOM give them biscuits and water. And speaking of biscuits, let's go see if she’ll give us some.

OBAMA NOT A CHRISTIAN?

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!!! Did you pups read that article by that sanctimonious donkey Cal Thomas? I mean really, who is he to say Obama isn’t a Christian? Obviously he didn’t read the book of Matthew, Chapter 7, verse 1, which clearly states: JUDGE NOT THAT YE BE NOT JUDGED.

NORMAN
Isn’t he the journalist that puts down journalists? Kinda like biting the hand that feeds you, huh?

TOBY
Don’t worry about it, it’s just another smear tactic by those who are afraid that a liberal will become president. It doesn’t matter anyway cause McCain’s gonna win.

KEIKO
Come on, just forget it guys, MOM’S making breakfast!!!!!!!

COUSINS SCOUT AND YELLER

SCOUT WITH HIS BIG BROTHER YELLER

SCOUT

HERE'S OUR NEW COUSIN SCOUT

SCOUT

SCUBA
Hey guys, Mom just showed me pictures of our new cousin. His name is Scout and he’s just a little guy.

TOBY
Yeah, I can’t wait to meet him and give him some tips on being a tough pup.

KEIKO
You mean tips on being a psycho pup, don’t you?

NORMAN
Good one, Keiko, give me paw.

TOBY
GRRRRRRR!!!!!!

NASCAR-DOVER

SCUBA
Freakin unbelievable!!!! CRYBABY BUCSH wins again. Did you see MOM? I thought she was gonna sling that beer at the TV. Not to mention, Whiney Hamlin and Elliott Sadler smacked JR's car pretty good. I think it ruined MOM's afternoon.

NORMAN
Yeah, that really bites. I was pulling for Kasey Kahne myself.

TOBY
You guys are just jealous. I like Kyle, he's got an attitude.

KEIKO
Holy doggie poop,Toby!!! Better not let MOM hear that, she'll put your scruffy butt outside!

NASCAR

Scuba
Freakin unbelievable. Nascar fines Jr. Motorsports for getting a little rambunctious after the Nationwide race last Saturday, but do they fine Whiney Hamlin for smacking the 88 car under caution? No, they don’t. I don’t believe it; I just don’t believe it.

Toby
Maybe Nascar figures that it was OK since they were already under caution and it was only a little smack.

Norman
Yeah well, anything to help his teammate win as we saw at Richmond.

Keiko
Do the drivers get free food at the tracks? I wonder how much a hot dog costs?

NORMAN

HANDSOME NORMAN, MAN OF THE HOUSE

TOBY

TOUGH PUP TOBY, SPAWN OF SATAN, MISUNDERSTOOD

THE GIRLS

HERE ARE THE GIRLS, TOP DOG SCUBA AND WANNA BE ALPHA DOG KEIKO

ARIZONA

YOU KNOW YOU'RE IN ARIZONA WHEN.......
You see two trees fighting over a dog.

PRESIDENTIAL RACE

Scuba
Freakin unbelievable!!! Border Patrol is swarming out of control and ruined a perfectly good nap. Why do they have to fly that helicopter so low? Thought it was an earthquake and I was in China.
Anyway, on to more important issues. How many of you are sick and tired of this whole election thing? Raise your paw if you are. I mean really, it’s tiring. Obama, Clinton, Obama, Clinton. When will it end? I am so glad I didn’t have to campaign to be Top Dog. It’s much easier bustin some doggie tail. Just show a little teeth, growl and the world is yours.

Norman
Rub it in, will you? Anyway, I know what you mean, can’t turn on the TV anymore without hearing those two going at each other. Still, it’s kinda entertaining.
Oh, did you hear that Obama’s uncle helped liberate Auschwitz?

Toby
That’s right comrade, his uncle was in the Soviet Army. This just proves that politicians rank up there with the worst of the humans. Democrats or Republicans, they’re both the same but at least McCain isn’t bragging about his uncle being a commie.

Keiko
Toby, you just like McCain because he’s a tough guy and you’re a tough pup. Personally, I don’t care who wins as long as the price of doggie snacks starts going down. Did you see the price of the last box of biscuits Mom brought? Holy dog poop!!! It was almost $6.00 a box. That’s more than a gallon of gas.

Toby
You said it. I do like McCain because he’s a tough guy; we have a lot in common. He can’t raise his left paw either or is it his right paw? I forget, anyway I like him. Besides, we have the same motto;Where angels fear to tread, baby!!!

Scuba
Toby, I think that you must have smacked your head quiet a few times when that car hit you. Where angels fear to tread, where in the hell did you come up with that?

Toby
Watching Star Trek with Mom. They reference Shakespeare quiet a bit. Even the Klingons walked around quoting Shakespeare.

Norman
Well, I’m going to vote for Clinton. She seems really nice.

Scuba
Norman, you’re nuts; you know that, don’t you? Number one, you’re a dog, you can’t vote. Number two, what do you mean she seems really nice? She seems kinda scary to me. And what’s with Bill? Why is he in such a hurry to get back to the White House? Didn’t he do enough damage when he was there the first time?

Keiko
Forget it guys; let’s go eat

OUTSOURCING AMERICAN JOBS

Scuba
Not sure how to begin, really. Never had a blog before but if humans can do it so can I.
Our mom recently lost her job, the company she worked for sent everything to Canada. What do they call it, OUTSOURCING? THAT MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!!!!! Doesn’t the American Human Government (AHG) know that American humans need jobs as well as Canadian humans? Now how is she supposed to get money to buy doggie treats? REALLY, WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?

Norman
I have to share Scuba’s sentiments on the whole Canada thing. Outsourcing doesn’t seem very smart. It’s like me getting Duke, the neighbor’s dog to dig holes in our backyard, then what would I do all day?

Toby
Well, I’ve been telling you, some humans just don’t use their brains. Why do you think I put on such an audacious display whenever a new human gets too close to the fence? You just don’t know what they’re gonna do next.

Keiko
Anybody wanna play?

JUST A QUICK INTRODUCTION

My name is Scuba and I'm the top dog of the house (I should be an only dog but that's a whole new box of doggie biscuits). My pack includes Keiko, Norman and Toby and we live on an acre in southern Arizona some 20 miles west of Tucson with our loving mom(She's not too bright sometimes but we have to remember that she is only human so we try not to hold it against her and we know she does the best that she can). As responsible canines who follow the current events of humans, this blog is simply our observations of what is going to go wrong next.
Comments and ideas from all species, even felines are welcome.